Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
