32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
