do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
everyone is single if you try hard enough
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Someone came in the potted fern
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
