i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
How does one acquire holy water?
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
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