if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
