so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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