Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
