U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
