Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
