I skipped work to stalk him.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
