I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
They left me at home... I'm a liability
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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