So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
