Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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