Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
