everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
