I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
