either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
