ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
