i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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