Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
