Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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