Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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