he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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