I molested 6 butterflies tonight
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
