so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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