Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
