It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
