I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
