He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
