We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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