i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
