doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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