Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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