All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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