just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
