I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
