k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
