So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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