just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
