I'm gonna have a badass scar
You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Randomize
