What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Someone signed my nipple.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
