He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize
