id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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