I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
