so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
