Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Randomize
