if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
