I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
either way he was missing a nipple.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
My breasts were aching with rage.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
