and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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