I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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