please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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