I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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