ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
He felt like a one man threesome
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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