May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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